Coffee House Letter Blog

How I Went from Being a Shy Tormented High School Nerd to an Un-employable 28 year old ‘Alpha Networker’ & Entrepreneur…

A few months ago, I received an invitation in the mail to my 10 year high school class reunion. I couldn’t believe it had already been 10 years since I had left L.A. and flew 3,000 miles to Boston, to begin a new life…

It may sound dramatic when I say “begin a new life”, but that’s exactly what it was.

I did not like my time in high school.

It was quite miserable actually.

High School was very much like being a crab in a bucket, with other crabs… feeling like the one crab who would attempt to climb out of the bucket, only to be pulled back down by other crabs. I took all kinds of crap from many of my peers in high school, quietly absorbing it and rarely striking back.

I’m not sure what kept me moving forward, doing the best I could to let the negativity slide off me and continue to perform.

The only relief was the praise from my teachers and a few close friends. It was their guidance and encouragement which reassured me that I was on the right path.

To this day I’m still impressed with my ability to absorb the shots and criticism, yet stubbornly move forward. It would have been much easier for me to have assimilated into the norm and gained the comfort of social acceptance.

I also played varsity football, yet was totally miserable being a part of my high school team.

Involuntarily Training for a Marathon

Every day, I would show up to practice 1 hour late because I was also part of my school’s Academic Decathlon team. My academic team met during the last period of the day, which was also the period football practice began.

I made my academics my priority and therefore, whenever I showed up to football practice, my offensive line coach would tell me to start running to make me pay for missing part of practice, but all it really did was cause me to miss more practice.

I would run for the next hour of every practice. If I wasn’t wearing pads and a helmet, people would think that I was training for a marathon. I became quite the runner.

My teammates had given me the nickname “Calculus”, in an attempt to marginalize my priorities. I couple of times I did “snap” during practice and got into scuffles with some a-holes on the team.

That earned me another nickname… “Manson”.

I think I liked “Manson” better than “Calculus”, because it at least represented me standing up for myself and giving them a taste of their own medicine.

It would have been easy for me to just quit the team, but I could not give my coaches or teammates the satisfaction of driving me away.

I slept very little, because I carried a full load of AP classes, worked at Chuck E. Cheese, did Academic Decathlon and had football practice for 3-4 hours per day. I would get home late, exhausted then stay up until 2, 3 or 4 in the morning to finish my homework. I would get up at 6am to begin my day again.

If not for the football season ending and winter break, I definitely would have had a mental breakdown.

What also helped was that my 1st period Physics teacher, Mr. Lowe, understanding my situation would let me sleep through his class as he lectured. Other students complained as to why he allowed me to nap, while everyone else had to pay attention to his lectures.

He would reply, “Because Fernando is the only one with an A in the class. Now pay attention!”

This got me some rest, but didn’t make my relationship with my peers any easier.

When I graduated, I had been accepted to MIT and I could not wait to leave L.A. for Boston. It was an opportunity for a new life, where no one knew who I was. A new life did indeed begin…

“What Happened to the Shy Ferny?”

This past Saturday, I attended my 10 year reunion and hung out with people I hadn’t spoken to for over a decade. With a few exceptions, I did not keep in touch with people from high school so I was seeing everyone for the first time.

It was an amazing experience and interesting enough, none of the people that had tormented me in high school were there. I got along great with everyone and met a few folks I didn’t know before.

I really had a great time, which was a little surprising.

A conversation of note was with an old friend Alex, who I greeted. I use to work at Chuck E. Cheese with him, making pizzas.

Before the reunion, many of us had submitted bios of where we were at now, occupation, and a picture.

Alex had read the bio I submitted and said, “I read your bio and saw your picture. I recognized your face, but I could tell you weren’t the same person. What happened to the shy Ferny? You smile more, you’re confident, even your posture and the way you stand is different.”

I asked him, “How was my posture before?”

He replied, “You kinda hunched over, very shy and kept to yourself. Wow. You look good.”

I said ‘thank you’, and tried as best I could to explain what had happened over these past 10 years. It turned out he had recently started working with World Financial Group, a financial services network marketing company, and had discovered the blessings of personal development and understood the value of a positive association of friends.

So I connected with him on that level and explained that over these past 10 years, my association had changed, and therefore I had changed. I think he understood, based on his recent experience in this industry.

An Out of Body Experience

That Saturday was a surreal experience, because of how I felt as a socialized. Until then, I had no idea how much I had changed, until I mentally stepped outside myself for a little bit that night and I made myself aware of how I interacted with everyone there.

Kind of like an out of body experience…

Alex was right.

I was not the same person as before. I was more confident. As a result of this new me and my body language, I sensed that the level of respect people had for me was also different – in a good way. They were happy to see me, wanted to take pictures with me, were interested in my life and I was interested in theirs.

A couple of folks pulled me to the side and spoke candidly about how proud they were of me being that I was latino, and how much they had respected me during high school, despite the fact that some of their friends would put me down behind my back.

I also sat down and had a great conversation with an old friend, named Lorena. She didn’t know this, but I use to have a small crush on her in high school. Back then, I never did bring myself to tell her, but like any nerd with a crush, there were many times when I helped her with her homework and was the best friend I could be. She was always very grateful for my help, and she was one of those few friends who provided me with encouragement and support.

We caught up that night and I met her husband, Louis, who’s a great guy. They had flown in from Arkansas, where they settled down. They have been married for 7 years and are both doing great, with 3 beautiful children.

Lorena was also the only other full-time business owner in the room besides myself. Being a successful business woman, considering where she came from, having never finished college and raising a family was an extraordinary accomplishment and I was very proud of her and how far she had come.

We talked a little bit about business and we exchanged a few ideas. It was very cool to see people I grew up with doing so well for themselves and having become successful entrepreneurs.

The Alpha Networker

I guess the reason I’m sharing this is in part to reflect on how far I had come since leaving for college, and trying to piece together my transformation. And most definitely, a HUGE part of my transformation was as a result of these past few years growing as a business owner, dedicating myself to personal development and becoming the Alpha Networker, Mike Dillard defines so well in his Magnetic Sponsoring course.

It was clear that the Alpha Networker was the Ferny who was present that night for my high school reunion.

The only part of the old Ferny, which remained was my heart and the stubbornness, which never allowed me to quit anything I began. It was this stubbornness which got me through high school and my failures in Network Marketing.

This ability to weather the storms of life, eventually led me to discovering Mike Dillard and Magnetic Sponsoring, and led to my growth as a networker, a marketer, a teacher and entrepreneur.

The growth and skill as marketers Raymond and I have gained is laid out in our AMF course. It’s the equivalent to $50,000 in business experience, instruction and investment we put forth to gain the knowledge necessary to find success.

It’s available for you when you’re ready to take a giant leap forward in your business.

As for my personal growth and transformation… well, I’ve described this journey as best I can in many of the AMF newsletters I’ve written, including this one. I hope this one, as well as the others, will provide you with the courage and confidence to move forward in pursuit of your dreams as well, despite the pull down from the negative “crabs” in your life.

But I can only talk to you about my journey. You’ll still need to embark on your own.

How to get a girl to look past your junk car, your lack of employment, your old age and even extra ‘baggage’…

“My compadre, He looks like royalty in that picture.”

- My Father’s Friend

The other day I was having lunch with my mom at a Mexican Restaurant and we got to talking about my father and how she had chosen to marry him.

The thing that my mom confessed about first meeting my dad, was that she was not attracted to him AT ALL.

My father wasn’t a bad looking guy, he was just… well… kinda old.

My father had some extra baggage around his waist (I inherited this gene), was 18 years older than my mom and the only source of income he had was performing as a Mariachi at bars around Southern California and Tijuna..

So it would seem like he really didn’t have much going for him… at least not on the surface.

Giving Without Want, Before You Can Have

You see one of the reasons why my father married so late in his life was because he had selflessly dedicated the first part of his life to helping raise his younger brothers and sisters, financially support everyone in his family and shield them from the abuse of his father, my grandfather.

He didn’t move forward with his life, until he was sure that everyone of his brothers and sisters were going to be ok.

My father had to grow up really fast and at really young age, but unlike many people with a dysfunctional youth, that experience actually made my father a great provider, a strong leader, and provided him with the ability to selflessly give to others without expecting anything in return.

This experience coupled with his deep philosophical understanding of his faith formed what my mother would later see — a magnificent human being. Even at times, when people he helped were not grateful or took him for granted, it didn’t matter.

My father had a saying, “If they don’t appreciate me, God will”.

But when my mother first met my dad, she could not see the great person that was before her.

Driving a Car Without “Reverse”

All she could think about at her young age were the superficial things like financial stability, youth, good looks and someone with a fancy car…

Did I mention that my dad, when they were dating, would drive my mom around in a car, which could not operate in reverse? He had to strategically park everywhere they went, so that he didn’t have to back up.

Eventually, the police had to impound the car and take it from my father because it gave off too much smoke and was a safety hazard. LOL!

But my dad wasn’t naive either. He knew what was up. He just had a great attitude about everything.

He couldn’t do much about his age, finances or looks. But what he could do was treat my mom with respect, show the quality person he was, serenade my mom (remember he was a mariachi) and do what he could do with the resources he had.

Testimonials - My Father’s Secret Weapon

However, according to my mom it wasn’t really any of that stuff that won her heart, ultimately.

The one thing that my dad did, which really had a huge impact on how she felt for him was that they would always spend time around friends, and family (from both my mom and dad’s side) who knew my father personally.

And whether it was my mom’s aunt or my father’s friends, every chance they got, they would praise my father and talk about what a wonderful guy he was, and how he had helped them.

My mother could not escape it.

Person after person, friend after friend, family member after family member, had nothing but great things to say about my father, and told countless stories as to how he had helped and impacted their lives.

And what seemed like DeJavu, everyone of them would say, “Like Coco, there is no other. No one is as good as him.” (Coco was my father’s nickname.)

Misery Incarnate

One day, my mom was over at her aunt’s house and she noticed a picture of my father wearing a suit in a portrait. She stopped to look at it.

Also at the house was a friend of my father… in fact, my father was the only friend this guy had.

This guy was quite possibly one of the most negative people you’ll ever meet. He was an alcoholic, hated people, was alone, constantly got into fights….. let’s just say, he was misery incarnate.

Well, this guy walked up next to my mom and looked at the portrait alongside her and said, “My compadre. He looks like royalty in that picture… he is royalty.” Then he turned around and walked away.

My father was the only person in the world, this miserable person cared for and respected.

I sat on the opposite side of the table as my mom recounted these experiences and she said that she felt as if she had fallen in love with my father through everyone that had praised him over those first few months…

She never had a chance…

She started noticing that the superficial criterion that she had tried to measure my father up to, was just that… superficial.

The Power of Social Proof

Through the testimonials of all these people — young, old, male, female, drunk, sober, family, friends, musicians, acquaintences, bar tenders– she got to see the impact and influence that my father had over countless lives and how much he enriched them.

A year after having met my father, they married, had 4 kids (I was the 3rd) and lived an extraordinarily happy life. When my father passed away when I was 13, there was absolutely no doubt just how much she loved him and would miss him.

She’s remained widowed for over 15 years, choosing to never marry again. She can’t imagine finding anyone better, but she’s so grateful for the time she did have with him.

She came to understand better than anyone, why so many people had spoken so highly of him and not one soul spoke anything remotely negative… she’s yet to meet anyone who has.

It was awesome to hear my mom tell these stories about my father. Even though he passed when I was young, he made a lasting impact on my life and showed me how to be a person who operates with integrity and showed me how to be self-less, yet strong and firm.

And his influence on my life, has translated to many successes my life, including relationships, family and business as well.

“Who Have You Helped?”

Almost everyday, I will see an email in my inbox, or a forum post on the Better Networker Community, or a comment on one of my articles or Web 2.0 profiles, of people thanking us and give us unsolicited testimonials on how we have helped them.

Often with our clients, when we are instructing them on sales letters, one of the components we tell them to include are testimonials. The next question, which comes out of their mouth is usually, “well, where do I get them?”

My response is, “who have you helped?”

The fact of the matter is that if you don’t have people lining up, thanking you for what you’ve done for them or even just know of a couple of people whom would be willing to vouch for you, then you got some work to do…

We’ve gotten testimonials and praise from top industry leaders like Tim Erway, Mike Dillard, Daegan Smith, Joe LoBalsamo to name a few…

But it’s the random emails we get from people we don’t know and whom we will probably never meet, which mean the most and warm my heart.

And the results you produce for yourself, will be directly related to the results you produce for others.

And all this will be a direct result of the books you read, your education and the people you meet.

You know better than I do, how valuable the content you receive on this blog is. The teaching stands on its own, even if you never buy our AMF course… and that’s done purposefully.

Registering to read the Coffee House Letter, taking a look at the BIB product and test driving the Carbon Copy Pro system is one of the best things you can do because they will give you clear direction towards achieving the results you desire for your business and guide you step-by-step towards becoming a top-tier entrepreneur.

But our goal with any of the products mentioned above is to make sure that that you went away a better person than you came in even if you didn’t purchase anything.

The free email newsletters, products and the system stands on its own, as valuable teaching and tools.

I tell my mom that the influence she and my father had on my growing up, is what ultimately helped me become free… living with humility, learning to pass the credit, serving others and busting your ass!

That has been the key to our success. There is no magic trick to marketing.

Marketing is marketing. The same methods Mike Dillard and other mentors of ours taught us, they have taught countless others.

The difference between us and others, was on how we presented ourselves, how much value we provide to our readers and how hard we worked to make sure we served you better, than everyone on the internet who is screaming at you for your money.

Stay true to yourself, serve others and work hard… eventually, the impact that you’ve made in the lives of others, will lift you to getting the things you want most in this life.

Just ask my mom if this formula really works.

• failure
• humiliation
• getting hurt
• responsibility
  

• doing more than you thought you could
• performing physical feats you thought would be impossible
• truly learn how the concept of “mind over matter” really works
• defy your physical ailments and conditions
  

The pedigree of the caliber of people we train with include attorneys, company CEO’s, doctors, university professors, ivy league graduates, musicians, movie stars….. and of course, network marketers. (Me and Ray).

So if this appeals to you and want to spend a weekend with Ray and I exploring some of the most private secrets to our success, go register here to join us in L.A., later this month:

You’ll also find a wide range of amazing videos of live Hwa Rang Do action and footage from past seminars here:

Ray and I are the first two matches in the video.  Enjoy!